A day in the life of a fool

Back, full circle.

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 20:57:43 -0400

Calendar still says January on it.

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 18:49:18 -0400

I'm tired all the time...

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 09:55:21 -0500

I feel tired all the time. I pass out but then wake up at all odd hours of the night. I’m stressed, all of the time. Hence me getting shingles last year. I wish I wasn’t tired during the day and that I could actually sleep during the night. Something needs to change here. I think I actually need to go to bed at a set time and try drinking sleep teas and try the whole aroma thing. I guess if I was also more organized and I completed everything on time this wouldn’t constantly be on my head. Maybe it’s the whole issue of getting back to school and what not. Looming over my head…but I need to push that aside. I’ve decided I’m going back in September no matter what anyone tells me. I got new calendars and day planners to help me stay on track. I need to actually legit start shadowing these classes. I need to walk. I need to put actions to my words and keep up with this blog.

Look back at November 15th...

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 09:41:25 -0500

What am I doing two months later?

Clearly I give into bad habits.

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 09:37:21 -0500

Ate a donut last night and had a french vanilla. Which is loaded with bad shit.

And this morning had a Mc D’s breakfast…

I’m giving in to the vicious circle. I need to push harder.

Things to improve.

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 22:37:00 -0500

Drink more water
Eat less food with butter and cheese
Stick to the more routine diet
TEETH
Hydrated skin
WALK AND RUN
Don’t eat after six

Lunch and Dinner

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 22:34:00 -0500

Lunch

Spoon of rice
Lentil soup
Spinach
Mango spice

Dinner

Cup of lentil soup
Grilled cheese Sandwich
Cereal with lots of milk

Snack

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 11:38:00 -0500

Astro BioBest Yogurt.

Breakfast

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 10:53:40 -0500

Boiled egg
Four crackers with butter
Glass of milk

Note: Need to start drinking water too.

Things to think about

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 10:51:00 -0500

When I was in Florida over the holidays some woman couldn’t speak english started talking to my sister and cousin and I. We were at a table waiting for my parents to show up. And she was saying how my sister was beautiful and how my cousin looked like she was italian and then she gestured at me insinuating that I was fat and my chubby arms and “rolls” that made me feel instantly worse.
I was looking at pictures from the trip especially the ones underwater my arms were extra flabby my boobs were flopping out of the bathing suit and I just looked really terrible. My stomach was always potruding like I was pregnant.
It’s harder for me to get up than it was before. I walk short distances that I was able to walk before and I am always out of breath…
I didn’t walk today…YET

Bust

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:21:08 -0500

So as you may have seen I sat on my ass for five months. Gained probably 12 pounds. Lost nothing. Still probably am not going to get back into school. I wish I wasn’t so lazy…

Today I ate popcorn and downed a coke and I threw up half of it and right now I feel like throwing up the rest.

I’m sick of eating all this shit. Sick of this headache. Sick of eating ALL the freaking time.

I want to have some relationships…I’ve been looking at pictures of people I knew in highschool they are all happy they all have friendships that last from highschool into university with the added friends.

What do I have? Nothing.

My sister actually put herself out there. I need to do the same just not to that extent. If I wasn’t so depressed and complaining all the time like I did in twelfth grade I would have probably had a better experience.

3 years ago I wasn’t even half this size. These jeans that are now tight for me used to fall down on me, and even then I was still chubby.

I need to commit to something even if it’s just this blog and losing weight.

Foodlists

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:05:00 -0500

I’ve noticed that I waste A LOT of money on food. And I never would have noticed that but EVERY day I eat out. It never felt that way. But this needs to stop.

I stopped for a day because all I ate was junk. Starbucks, McDonalds and Swiss Chalet. Need I say more?

Foodlist Continued

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 21:26:20 -0500

Shitload mashed potatoes
Broccoli
3 drumsticks
Caramel brule latte
Pretzel stick
One scoop ice cream super kid from Laura Secord
Coconut water

November 16th 2011,12:40 PM

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 12:44:30 -0500

Handful of tostito whole grain chips.

Food: 12:38 AM

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 12:43:00 -0500

Chocolate chip cookie.

Foodlist: Continued

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 20:54:12 -0500

Chicken Parm from Jack Astors
Boston cream donut
Ice Capp
Squash
Boiled Egg

I did terribly. >.>

Foodlist: Breakfast & Lunch

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 12:11:49 -0500

Mc Donalds Hashbrown
Mc Donalds Egg Mc Muffin No Meat
Large Mc Donalds Coffee
Hershey’s Almond Chocolate (Halloween Snack Size)

Doesn’t this make you disgusted?

Disappointment

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 12:07:41 -0500

It’s a hard thing to deal with. Every time I look into my father’s eyes it’s all I see. I know he knows I’m worthy but I’ve become something that is somewhat worthless in my eyes. He knows I’m capable of doing anything. I’m just too lazy and lethargic. Which is redundant I know. But I want to bring happiness to those eyes and I don’t want to see him running away. I want to make him proud. Which I have not done yet for the past 20 years of my life. I saw that pride when I lied to him about my grades and he thought I was acing everything. Now it’s just sadness and emptiness. My grandmother said he’d leave. She sees it in him. That he will leave us and I don’t blame him. I haven’t given him anything to be proud for. I will though. I will be the daughter he isn’t ashamed of and that will be successful in all my endeavors. He struggled when he came to this country, and I have been spoon-fed everything. He gave us piano lessons and swimming lessons and all that money is gone down the drain. I will start up both and show him I can excel at it and go to school and try my hardest. I will make my father proud.

-Harley

I started this blog more than a month ago

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 12:01:00 -0500

It feel like I started it two weeks ago. And really, what happened in that space of time? Nothing. NOTHING happened. Nothing positive. What am I doing with my life?

NOTHING. Tomorrow brings a new day. As does the rest of these hours that are counting down fast. It’s time for me to get my life on track and pre-plan meals.

I’m not going to get anywhere by doing NOthing. So yes, I’m back and I’m kicking hard as ever.

Drink lots of water 8 glasses tomorrow

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 21:32:59 -0400